On Saturday night my best friend and I went to a party. We had barely gotten through the door when Janie put a beer in my hand. “Here. Drink this,” she said. “How do you expect guys to notice you if you don’t loosen up a little?”

I had never had a beer before. After one sip I knew I would have preferred a Coke, but I knew I would look foolish if I didn’t finish it so I drank it. Before I knew it, I was drinking another beer. This one went down a little easier.

I was feeling lightheaded and Janie suggested I go to the kitchen and eat something. As I turned the corner for the kitchen, I ran into Brian. I mean I literally ran into Brian. His beer poured down my blouse. I was drenched. My head was spinning. Brian was apologizing, and I just stood there in shock. I could not believe I was now face-to-face with the man of my dreams. What a way for him to notice me!

Brian handed me a towel and then he handed me another beer. How could I refuse? This was the moment I had dreamed of for so long.

The next morning I felt sick--physically and emotionally. My head was pounding as I tried to figure out exactly what had happened the night before. It certainly wasn’t the magical evening I had dreamed of for so long. It had definitely been a night of firsts: my first beer, my first face-to-face encounter with Brian, and my first experience with sex.

It wasn’t rape. I never asked him to stop. But it wasn’t what I wanted. Everything was such a blur. I suppose it was the beer. Janie said it would loosen me up. I just didn’t know how loose it would make me. I wanted Brian to notice me, but not like that! I worried about what he thought of me now. How would he respond to me on Monday morning?

I knew he would be at his locker. He always was. He had never noticed me before, but after Friday night he knew me very well. Would he be pleased to see me? Would we walk down the hall together? Could this be the beginning of my dream coming true?

When I got to my locker he wasn’t there. I got my books out, closed my locker, and looked back down the hall. Then suddenly I heard a voice behind me saying, “Hey, I had fun with you Friday night. We should get together again sometime.” I was trying to comprehend what he was saying and then he said, “Oh, by the way, what did you say your name was?”

“Jenny,” I replied.

“Oh yeah, I remember now,” he said glancing down the hall. It was obvious something or someone down the hall was distracting him. As he walked away, he quickly turned back to me and said, “Well, I’ll see you later, Jenny” Then he yelled, “Rachel, wait up for me!” I then watched the man of my dreams run down the hall and put his arm around another girl. He whispered something in her ear and then they laughed together as they disappeared in the crowd of students.

I wanted to die. Right there and then, just fall on the floor and die. I meant nothing to him and what we had done together had meant nothing to him. He didn’t even remember my name. The rest of the day was awful. I didn’t dare return to my locker. But things only got worse a couple of days later. I was leaving school when Derrick, one of Brian’s best friends, came up and said, “Hey, Brian said the two of you had a good time on Friday night. How about you and me going out tonight?” I just stood and stared at him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Then I emphatically responded, “No! I’m not that kind of girl.”

Under his breath he replied, “You were Friday night.”

I looked him square in the eye and said, “But I’m not anymore.”

That was eight years ago. I am now 24, a college graduate, and married to a wonderful man. It took a long time to get over that horrible ordeal. The memories can still come flooding back if I allow them. But my youth minister at my church helped me to see the importance of forgiving myself and letting the past go. He also kept reminding me of how courageous I was by walking away from that lifestyle. He assured me there were lots of really good guys out there who were looking for more than sex.

I did what he said. Not only did I walk away from Brian and Derrick. I even cut off my friendship with Janie. I realized she wasn’t really good for me either. And from that point on, I had nothing to do with alcohol. There was no way I was going to ever make such a fool of myself as I did that evening. And there was no way I would allow someone to use me that way again.

You know, my youth minister was right. There really are lots of great guys out there who are not looking for sex. Of course, there is one less available guy than there used to be. You see, I married one of those great guys. Richard and I met in college. We were best friends for over a year before we realized this was more than a friendship. The night I told Richard about that horrible ordeal in high school he held me tight and we cried together. My deepest regret in life is that I allowed another man other than my husband touch my body. But like my youth minister said, I have to forgive myself and let the past go.

My advice to anyone reading this story is to remember that someday you are going to find yourself telling the man or woman of your dreams about your past. Therefore be careful with your choices today, so tomorrow your memories will be filled with joy and not pain.